We’ve all had SMH moments. Here are some of mine.
Paperboy Heroics
Story: I was a paper boy in grade school. I won a commendation for thwarting a burglary once on a Sunday morning delivery.
Truth be told 4:00 am, it was a duplex and as I turned the corner of the house the guy was bent over working on the door. I walked up the outside stairs and handed him the paper, thinking he lived there. Startled, he ran down the stairs, the people opened the door and there I was. A hero!
Sharpshooter
Story I was a city kid and had never shot a gun of any kind. My cousin, who lived in northern Wisconsin, was famous for being a good shot. My family was up visiting and my cousin and I went out to a sand pit with a .22 and he set up two soda cans on a tree. We marked some paces and he bet me $20 I couldn’t hit the can from that distance. I aimed, fired, and the can went flying. I earned $20 and bragging rights for the rest of that summer.
Truth be told I was aiming for the other can.
The World’s Greatest Show
Story Milwaukee used to have a Circus Parade every summer, a tribute to the tradition where the Circus would have an impromptu parade in every town to drum up customers. I was sitting on the curb watching the parade with my friend Mary. She told me a story about a girl from her high school that ran away to join the circus. I was just about to give Mary my best yeah-right look when we heard someone calling to her.
Truth be told It was her friend from high school, calling out to Mary while riding an elephant in the parade.
Yo Adrian!
Story I dated a girl named Ally for awhile in the late eighties. She was a waitress in New York City. I would drive into the city, kill some time and then pick her up when her shift ended. Sometimes I would go to the movies while waiting. Once I went to see Rocky V. Rocky’s trainer (Mickey, played by Burgess Meredith) had died in one of the earlier films but he was in some flashback scenes. After the movie I was late so I was scurrying up to the restaurant. I turned the corner on 68th and 1st avenue and ran smack into an old man walking his dog.
Truth be told It was Burgess Meredith.
The Sweaty Professor
Story At some point in my professional career I started giving technical talks. I wasn’t a natural speaker. My first talk was to a very crowded room in Pittsburgh. I was using a white board and a felt marker, and I was sweating profusely. About halfway through I convinced myself that, as I was wiping sweat from the forehead, I was also drawing on myself with the marker. And the room was just to polite to mention it.
Truth be told Okay for this one I was mistaken. But now, twenty years later, I can’t help thinking it would have made a much better story if it had been true!
Witness protection program
Story I worked for over 35 years in the software industry, varying from startups to Fortune 100 companies, from writing products from scratch to leading on industry leading products. In that span I worked for five software companies.
Truth be told None of those companies exist today. Some of the products are still lurking but none of the companies. I had a stealth career!
Thanks to https://htck.github.io/bayeux/#!/ for the software to build the Bayeax tapestry!
